Humble Boy Read online

  Felix Really?

  George Yes, really. See, Rosie, it’s all going nicely. We’re getting on like a house on fire. May I continue?

  Rosie Go ahead.

  George He went on thirty sorties, he flew with two engines gone, he flew with dead and wounded aboard. He baled himself out of fatal spins, where the G-force could suck your insides out. Then one day he was chatting to one of the other pilots, a mate of his, lad from Northampton, queer as a coot apparently, and as he was talking to him he saw his face turn into a skull.

  Rosie You’re making this up!

  George And this lad, the gayboy, went out on a raid on the Ruhr that night and got himself shot down and killed. And then my dad started seeing it all the time. The skull lurking beneath the face. And every time he saw it in a lad’s face he knew the boy wouldn’t make it. He could tell from just looking at their faces. In the end they kicked him out, said he couldn’t fly any more, he was gutted … LMF. Lack of Moral Fibre. Bastards.

  George goes up to Felix. He grabs hold of his face and pulls it closer to him, looks at him.

  Rosie Dad, stop it right now. You’re drunk. Go on. Go away.

  George No. Just what I thought. (George lets go of his face dismissively and walks out. Pause.)

  Rosie He’s harmless really.

  Felix Mmm.

  Pause.

  Felix Rosie –

  Rosie No, that subject is vetoed.

  Pause.

  Felix My father once said that a beehive was the blueprint for a Utopia in which the sexual impulse would cease to exist. He must have been going through a difficult time when he said it … But I don’t think he was right. I think a hive is a blueprint for a world in which the men are totally useless. The women do all the work and the men, once they’ve fertilised the women, the men, well … die.

  Rosie Seems like a good system to me.

  Felix Clearly.

  Rosie Felix. What did you expect me to do after you left me? Hie myself to a nunnery?

  Felix I think you should have told me.

  Rosie You didn’t deserve to know.

  Felix You used to be straight with me.

  Rosie Well, things aren’t black and white for me any more. That’s what it’s like to be a parent. Anyway, I don’t care what you think of me. I brought up my daughter on my own. She is a credit to me. I am a good person.

  Felix I know that.

  Rosie Good.

  Felix Why did you want to have sex with me again?

  Rosie I don’t know. It wasn’t just a casual fuck, if that’s what you mean. Nothing with you is ever casual, Felix.

  Felix I tried to imagine what it would be like if we were together again –

  Rosie Don’t waste your time. I wouldn’t have you.

  Felix No. Good call.

  After a pause they both smile. Rosie looks at her watch.

  Rosie I’ve got to go and collect her. She gets anxious if I’m late.

  Felix Did you really name her after me?

  Pause. Rosie shrugs.

  I tried to picture it, you know, the last four weeks, introducing myself to her. I don’t even know what a seven-year-old looks like.

  Rosie She doesn’t have your eyes, if that’s what you’re asking. She’s her own little person.

  Felix That wasn’t what I meant.

  Rosie She’s about this high. Her face is full of freckles from the sun. She’s just lost her front tooth. And her knees are covered in scabs. She’s the most gorgeous child you’ll ever see.

  Felix I bet she is. (Felix smiles. Pause.)

  Rosie She wants to know who her father is. She wants to know his story. This is for her, you know, not for me.

  Felix goes to speak.

  She is the best thing, Felix. I started writing a diary the day she was born – to record all the important moments, you know. The first time she spoke, caught a ball properly, tied her own shoelaces, rode a bicycle without stabilisers. I know it might sound dull from where you are standing –

  Felix No, no, it doesn’t. Eureka moments.

  Rosie Yes, that’s nice. My life is full of Eureka moments now I have her.

  Felix Yes.

  Rosie I would like you to meet each other.

  Felix What?

  Rosie She would like you –

  Felix No –

  Rosie She wouldn’t show it for a bit, you’d have to put a bit of work in, but she’s so thirsty for knowledge, for answers, for how the world works –

  Felix (quietly) I don’t know how the world works.

  Rosie I mean things like all the names of the stars, the constellations –

  Felix You can get a b–book for that.

  Rosie A book isn’t the same.

  Felix Rosie. I would be next to useless.

  Rosie Well, that’s not as bad as completely useless.

  Felix It’s worse than useless. At least with useless you know where you are.

  Rosie No you wouldn’t be.

  Felix Rosie. I can’t do this … I’m sorry. I’d like to give you some money, though –

  Rosie Oh, shut up, Felix. You have spent too much of your life theorising. Don’t you realise how brilliant this offer is, how generous I am being? I am offering you a chance to be. Just to be.

  Felix It’s too late.

  Rosie Of course it’s not. She is a child! If she is up for having a dad after seven years of being without one, then you bloody well should be. (Rosie goes up to him. She embraces him, kisses his head.) It’s probably the best offer that you will ever ever get.

  He nods. She goes. Felix stays where he is.

  Felix (quietly, rehearsing it, clumsily, unconvinced by his performance) Felicity. Felicity. This is Cassiopeia and Andromeda and that is Pegasus and Ursa Major of course, and … erm … Ursa Minor –

  Flora enters.

  Flora Talking to yourself? Where’s George?

  Felix I don’t know.

  Flora Has Rosie gone?

  Felix Yes.

  Flora Oh. Right. Mercy’s calmed down, thankfully.

  Felix I’m going today, Mother.

  Flora I see.

  Felix I’ll have to get my things in order. (Felix puts the ashes down. He takes a letter out of his pocket. He hands it to his mother.)

  Flora What’s this?

  Felix It came today. I wanted to give it to you earlier b–but there wasn’t a right moment.

  Flora It’s addressed to your father.

  Felix Yes. I opened it, I hope you don’t mind.

  Flora What is it?

  Felix It’s from the Royal Entomological Society.

  Flora Oh. I’ll look at it later.

  Felix No, look at it now.

  Flora opens the letter. She reads it. He watches her. She folds it up and puts it away.

  You were wrong about him. He did make his mark. In his own small way. (He goes to go.) Oh, and Mother, you know you told me about the day you took me to prep school and how you waved and waved to me until I was a b–black dot. Until after I was a black dot … The thing that you’ve forgotten, Ma, is that I didn’t look b–back. I never looked back.

  Perhaps he goes to get the ashes and then changes his mind. He exits, leaving the ashes behind him. Flora watches him.

  Flora Felix?

  He does not turn round. She is left on her own. She picks up the ashes gingerly and holds them to her for a moment. George enters.

  George There you are, bun. I’ve been looking for you.

  She puts the ashes down carefully on the steps to the hive. He watches her.

  She is distracted.

  George What is it, bun? What’s happened?

  Flora James discovered a new species of bumblebee before he died.

  George What?

  Flora An official letter came.

  George That’s good.

  Flora It’s such a shame that it arrived late. That he never read it. The recognition.

  George Yes.

  Flora It’s som
ething he always wanted to do – to find and name a new species. He said it was the best way to make your name as a bee-keeper. The only way to have your name live on after death.

  George Good for James.

  Flora It’s a variety of the small garden bumblebee, Bombus hortorum, only the queen is smaller and more delicately built.

  George (humouring her) Is she?

  Flora But the point is, he didn’t name it after himself, you see. He named it after me. Bombus floratum. Flora’s Bumblebee.

  George Well, that’s nice of him. I bet she’s a looker.

  Flora I can’t marry you.

  George Bun –

  Flora I’m very, very sorry.

  George What are you saying?

  Flora It’s not right.

  George Bollocks.

  Flora Our families hate each other.

  George Our families can go to hell.

  Flora And I am already married.

  George No, well, we’ll live in sin. Bugger it.

  Flora No, George.

  George You said James wasn’t enough for you. You said –

  Flora He wasn’t. But neither are you. I’m sorry. I am a deeply ungrateful woman, I always want more and it is my undoing, you see.

  George I’ll be more. I’m only just getting into my stride.

  Flora It doesn’t feel right. Being here in this garden. With you. Since James died nothing has felt right.

  George We’ll move. We’ll get somewhere else.

  Flora Don’t you see that it only worked when there were three of us? Everything had a place. And now there is no equilibrium.

  George You’re just disorientated. You’re feeling guilty.

  Flora Yes.

  George I understand.

  Flora No, you don’t. I feel like I’ve lived my whole life in miniature. And I am not a miniaturist. I have tried my hardest to break out but I cannot.

  George We can, we will … When Mary died I couldn’t function –

  Flora Yes. Poor Mary. Poor Mary, George.

  George Yes, God love her, she went through it, she didn’t deserve it but my life with her was humdrum, Flora. Charming but humdrum. But when I think about you … I fee … like –

  Flora (interrupting) Oh spare me the metaphor. At our age it’s all such a cliché.

  George Why? Why should it be? What do you want?

  Flora I don’t want. To want things has always been my gravest error. I am going to stifle it.

  George Rubbish –

  Flora George. I am so old. Not even the royal jelly will save me.

  George You are beautiful –

  Flora Beauty is not enough. It is never enough. Nature’s cruel trick. When I was little I always thought that I was marked out, special, that I was on the verge of something momentous happening. I used to tingle with anticipation, I had legions of butterflies in my stomach. No that’s not right. A flutter of butterflies, is it?

  George What?

  Flora James was very good with words. Knowing the right words.

  George Please don’t compare us. You said you never would.

  Flora No, and I don’t because it is impossible. You pale in each other’s comparison. (laughing) Oh you, you George, you are a monumental man. When all this nonsense began I would be at the sink and the thought of you would catch me in my throat, wrap around me, flay me … You lack – precision that is all. But it doesn’t matter.

  George It does matter. I will change. I will be what you want me to be.

  Flora It’s too late. It has gone sour.

  George No, it hasn’t. You’re just upset. Today has been –

  Flora I am not upset. I am in a state of terminal disappointment.

  George Please, Flora. Don’t do this. I beg you. I can’t cope with this. Everything will come right, I promise you. (George is practically on his knees.)

  Flora (hard) We’ve been fooling ourselves, George.

  George I haven’t.

  Flora We’re just going through the motions.

  George I’m not.

  Flora It’s all so vulgar. The whole bloody lot of it.

  George No. I love you, please, bunny. Bunny girl.

  Felix enters. He is wearing the cricket whites that he was wearing in the first scene. He interrupts them. He is embarrassed.

  Felix I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to – I was just getting my things together. I needed to – I forgot the –

  Flora They’re over there.

  Flora points at the ashes. Felix goes to get them.

  Will you be able to get a train at this time?

  Felix I thought I might take the car, if that’s all right?

  Flora Fine.

  George starts to laugh uncontrollably.

  George Owzat!

  Felix What?

  George There he is. He’s done it. He’s won the bloody ashes.

  Felix I’m going now.

  George (sourly) Yes! You go. You’ve done your worst, now you bugger off.

  Flora George.

  George I’ll tell you something for nothing. I’m glad you’re not my son.

  Felix puts the ashes back down on the steps to the hive.

  Flora This is not Felix’s fault.

  George You bastard. You big fat lazy bumbling bastard.

  Flora (to Felix) George and I have separated.

  George Do you feel happy now? Now you’ve fucked everyone’s life up?

  Felix No.

  George Perhaps Rosie was right. We’re not good enough for the Humbles. We don’t live up to their elevated standards.

  Flora That is not true.

  George And here he is, the highest flier of them all. Felix Humble. You want to be careful, you could be heading for a fall. You know what happened to Icarus, don’t you? Oh sorry, did I shock you all there with a literary allusion? I do beg your pardon, getting above my station.

  Flora George –

  George Well, Icarus and his dad, I can’t remember his name but he was a boring old fart whoever he was, he probably kept bees in his spare time, well they decided they’d go for a little fly, like you do, so they made their wings of wax – ah! wax, see, from the buggering bees he kept on the side –

  Flora I think we’re familiar with the story.

  George Don’t interrupt me, Flora, not when I’m at full throttle. So they made their wings of wax and feathers and shit and then Icarus, Icky to his mates, not that he had many, Icky flew slap bang into the sun, like the stupid twat that he was.

  Flora George –

  George So my advice to you, Humble boy, is head for the skies. Yes, do us all a favour and keep following that star.

  Flora I think you should go.

  George You’re a beautiful woman, Flora, but your problem is you disappeared up your own arse some time ago. You want to wake up and smell the roses. Oh dear, sorry, faux pas.

  Felix goes up to him, takes him by the arm.

  Felix You’ve said your b–b–bit.

  George Good, wasn’t it? I thought I put it quite well. (George shakes Felix off roughly.) I’m going, I’m going.

  George starts to walk away. He is calm but just before he exits he picks up a hoe from the back wall where all the garden equipment is kept. He swings round and charges at Felix. Felix at first defends himself with the gardening stool. The fight continues around the garden, over the table, round the hammock. Various garden implements get used: the trowel, the garden fork, a pair of secateurs. Perhaps at one point Flora picks up the small water sprayer and sprays George with it. The dialogue continues through the fight.

  Right. Let’s be having you, you bastard.

  Flora George, stop it, stop it right now.

  George Let’s see how light he is on his feet.

  Felix Please stop. I don’t want this –

  George Not bad for a lardy. Come on, run, come on Icky, let’s see you fly.

  Flora George, this is ridiculous.

  Suddenly Felix turns round and attacks him bac
k. George starts to overpower him.

  Felix suddenly stops. He is breathless.

  Felix Don’t hurt me.

  George I knew you didn’t have it in you.

  Felix No, you’re right. I don’t.

  George approaches him.

  Flora Oh no, please don’t hurt him.

  But suddenly George stops as well.

  George What the –?

  He is swatting his hands around him in a demented fashion. At the same time as he does this Jim the gardener comes on. Felix sees him, but Flora and George do not look at him. George is swatting away a bee that is attacking him.

  George Get off me, you little bastard. I thought you got rid of them. Get off. (He continues to swat the bee away and move from spot to spot to try and get rid of the bee.)

  Felix (looking at Jim) They’re back.

  George Do something, Flora.

  Felix The bees are back.

  George Get a spray, for Christ’s sake.

  Felix Let there be b–bees!

  Flora You mustn’t fight it.

  George It’s bloody mental.

  Flora Don’t threaten it.

  George It’s trying to bloody kill me.

  Flora Well then, go! I’ve told you a hundred times to go.

  George Jesus Christ!

  George makes a very inelegant exit. He is still pursued by the bee. Flora still has her back to Jim.

  Jim Exit pursued by a bee.

  Flora reacts strangely to Jim’s voice. She doesn’t turn round.

  Flora What?

  Jim That was the queen. Lovely little thing, but don’t rile her!

  Flora Oh my God.

  Felix You can hear him? Mother! Please tell me you can hear him.

  Flora nods.

  Jim She’s probably the only one left now. The others will have dropped out of the sky.

  Flora A finite number of wingbeats.

  Jim That’s right.

  Felix Turn around, Mother. Look at him.

  Flora He’s here?

  Felix All summer he has been here with me. In the garden.

  Flora Oh my God.

  Felix Like pointing a telescope at a blank bit of the sky and seeing a star that I have never seen before.

  She turns around slowly. She looks at him. Slowly there is music.

  Flora James.

  Felix You can see him?

  Jim Bombus floratum.

  Flora Yes!

  Jim Flora’s Bumblebee. Do you like her?

  Flora I do.

  Felix All summer he has been with me. But I didn’t know what to say.